Finding the Right Words: What to Say to Someone Experiencing Infertility

Is someone you love experiencing infertility and you being the amazing human you are want to know how to best help them? That's great you've come to the right place. After personally experiencing infertility for many years I've heard a lot. But an important thing to note, is despite this I've still said the wrong thing. Infertility is a painful experience filled with lots of grief, and the truth is there is no one size fits all right answer or right response. It sucks, and it's hard.. on everyone. Navigating conversations with individuals experiencing infertility can be challenging. We know you have good intentions, but finding the right words to offer support and empathy can sometimes feel like a daunting task. It's hard, but just know even if you say the wrong thing we won't hold it against you. In this blog post, we'll explore compassionate and thoughtful ways to communicate with someone going through infertility, ensuring that your words convey understanding, sensitivity, and support.

Put yourself in their shoes: If you have never experienced infertility I want you to think about this for just a moment. What's something you've wanted for a long time? Maybe since you were young you've wanted this thing. Of course when you're young the time wasn't right, you live your life dreaming of this thing. You get older and things change. Maybe you're married now, settled into a career, have a house, maybe not. But you are most likely more established than when you were younger. Your friends, other family close to your age is getting this thing. The thing you want. Let's just call it travel. All of a sudden on social media every other post is someone traveling. Big announcement filled with congratulations, but it's ok your time is coming. You do everything right this month and you check but instead of getting that notice you're getting to travel it's another not yet. You make changes, and watch as seemingly everyone around you is getting to travel. But you? Not yet. Months turn into years, some of those people are traveling multiple times but you haven't been able to go once. You're happy for them, but it hurts. You can't help be wonder if you'll ever get to travel and then someone says. Just relax, or maybe you don't get to travel for a reason. Maybe if you drink more water you'll get to travel.

Express empathy and understanding: Did a suggestion of drinking more water make you feel like you'd get to travel? Probably not, and drinking more water probably isn't going to be a very useful to someone trying to get pregnant either. Instead let's begin by acknowledging the emotional impact of infertility. Even if you don't know what infertility is like you can still let the person know that you understand it is a difficult and complex journey and that you are there for them. Simply phrases like, "I can't fully understand what you're going through, but I'm here to support you" or "I'm so sorry for the challenges you're facing" can convey empathy and be far more helpful and comforting. Honestly most of the time people just want to be heard, they aren't necessarily looking for suggestions or advice. Unless they specifically ask for suggestions or advice.

Be a good listener: Create a safe space for the person to share their feelings and experiences. I can not stress this enouch: Avoid jumping to provide solutions or advice right away. Instead, actively listen and validate their emotions. If someone has shared something personal with you, and you don't know what to say, try this simple question, "Would you like to talk about it?" Phrases like, "I'm here to listen if you ever want to talk" or "Your feelings are valid, and I'm here for you" can also offer reassurance.

Avoid clichés and dismissive comments: Steer clear of well-meaning but potentially hurtful comments that minimize or invalidate the person's experience. Phrases like, "Just relax, and it will happen" or "Everything happens for a reason" can unintentionally dismiss their emotions. Instead, focus on offering support without trying to provide quick fixes or explanations.

Show interest and ask permission to discuss: Let the person know that you care and are available to discuss their journey if and when they feel comfortable. Ask open-ended questions like, "Would you like to talk about how you're feeling?" or "Is there anything you'd like me to know about what you're going through?" Respect their boundaries and be patient if they choose not to share details.

Offer specific support: Instead of making generic offers like "Let me know if you need anything," be specific in your offers of help. You could say, "I'm here to accompany you to appointments if you'd like some company" or "Would it help if I researched support groups or resources for you?" Tailor your support based on their individual needs.

Mindful of pregnancy and parenting conversations: Recognize that conversations about pregnancy or parenting can be sensitive for someone experiencing infertility. Be mindful of sharing pregnancy or baby-related news and consider having those conversations privately or in a sensitive manner, allowing the person to control their level of involvement. We promise we are excited for you, happy for you, but sad for us. We want to be there with you celebrating your accomplishments and milestones. Maybe it's selfish but we want that for ourselves too and sometimes it's hard to look past your own grief to stand in someone else sunshine. But while it is hard and we hope you don't spring it to us in a large group setting, we still want to know. Unless someone has told you they don't want you to share your news with them, don't hide it to spare their feelings because that will hurt more than a surprise pregnancy announcement.

Offer alternative outlets for support: Suggest resources like support groups, online communities, or professional counseling as additional sources of support. Share information about reputable organizations or books that may help them navigate their journey. Empower them with knowledge and choices.

Supporting someone experiencing infertility requires empathy, active listening, and a willingness to be present without judgment. It's not an easy path, but we appreciate the effort. By choosing your words thoughtfully, showing understanding, and offering specific support, you can make a positive impact in their lives. Remember that each person's experience is unique, so it's crucial to adapt your approach based on their individual needs. Ultimately, your kindness, compassion, and genuine care can provide much-needed comfort and support during this challenging time.

Let's Connect and Support Each Other 💕

If you've been through infertility or are currently experiencing it, I'd love to hear from you. Share your thoughts, stories, or any additional insights in the comments below. Let's build a supportive community together! You can also reach out to me through the contact form, email me at allaboutthataddie@yahoo.com, or connect with me on Instagram. Remember, you are not alone on this journey. Sending love and understanding to all. 🌸

Thanks so much for reading,

Angie