What Does Infertility Look Like? The Silent Struggle - Don't stay silent!

If you're struggling to get pregnant, don't stay silent. Infertility is a deeply personal and often misunderstood journey that affects millions of individuals and couples around the world, but it's so much more than simply failing to get pregnant each month. Beyond the medical aspects, it is an emotional rollercoaster accompanied by heartache, pain, and a lot of unsolicited advice. In this blog post, we will shed light on the unseen aspects of infertility and explore the profound impact it has on those experiencing it, and why you should share your story.

Infertility can be an overwhelming emotional experience, leading to moments of vulnerability and isolation. Often, without warning I found myself crying in unexpected places. Crying in the car during a lunch break slowly becomes a safe space, shielding individuals from prying eyes and judgments. It's a release of pent-up frustration, disappointment, and grief that often accompanies fertility struggles. While I didn't keep my journey a secret, there was a lot I didn't talk about. For a while, I didn't talk about much at all. The longing for a child met with the crushing disappointment of another failed test.

The heartache experienced by individuals facing infertility cannot be overstated. Despite all of your efforts each month brings a seemingly endless cycle of anticipation, hope, and the possibility of a new life, only to be met with crushing disappointment when conception does not occur. The pain of repeated negative pregnancy tests and failed treatments takes an immense toll on one's emotional well-being. It's easy to forget your own self worth during the process. As if it was simply a test you could study for and pass, each negative feels like a personal failure. With each failing grade, you can't help but wonder, "what did I do wrong?" Eventually, you may even think, "is it me? Is there something wrong with me?" My own self worth plummeted, and I found it hard to establish a 'value' outside of this goal of being able to have a child. Every single relationship in my life was tested, including the my marriage and the relationship I held with myself.

One of the hardest parts of opening up was the fear of losing friendships; many women's relationships do suffer after an infertility diagnosis. The truth that I've learned is that it goes so much deeper than that. Friendships take constant work, and unfortunately, when two people are in two different places, it can be hard to keep that friendship going. I am so grateful that despite our extremely different situations, my best friend from high school and I were able to keep our friendship going. She was off being married and having two beautiful children while I was crying and begging the universe for just one. It sucked, and it was hard. But she was one of, if not the biggest cheerleader in my journey. It was hard to see her beautiful pregnant belly, and it was hard to see her beautiful newborn. She knew I was happy for her, and she knew I wanted her to have all the babies she wanted. It was hard, but we made it work. Now she has two beautiful, amazing, smart, slightly older girls. Did it suck that we weren't able to be pregnant together and have children close in age? HECK YES. But you know what? It's okay. Her girls and my girl love each other. They love to play, and as they get older I'm sure that love will grow. I'm not sure if I would say I 'lost' friends along the way or maybe we simply grew apart as our circumstances changed. With infertility, our lifestyle changed; it had to in order for us to pursue having children.

Despite the emotional turmoil that can boil within, facing and friends and family comes with its own challenges. Infertility can unwittingly become a topic for well-meaning friends, family, and even strangers to offer unsolicited advice. You may hear or have heard well meaning comments such as; "Just relax, it will happen,""Take a vacation, it will happen," Just Adopt, then you'll probably get pregnant." Though often given with good intentions, these words can unintentionally minimize the complexity of the situation and invalidate the emotions of those experiencing infertility. Even suggestions about lifestyle changes to miracle remedies can be a constant reminder of the struggle and create additional pressure on the already burdened individual. Suddenly you find yourself RSVPing 'No' to events you wanted to attend. It's easier to avoid and withdraw than to face questions. You remind yourself they only want to help, but conversations become strained and painful. What do you talk about? If it's not about the baby you want, what did you like to do before? I often felt at times I couldn't remember what I enjoyed before. I felt lost in a sea of trying to conceive. All of a sudden it feels like infertility takes everything. But if you've felt or feel this way don't worry you can and will get it back. Maybe it won't be the same,

The path to fertility can be a stressful and financially draining journey. Medical appointments, tests, and procedures become routine, adding to the overall anxiety and uncertainty. Fertility treatments often come with a hefty price tag, making it a luxury inaccessible to many. The financial strain further amplifies the emotional weight of infertility. Moreover, the feeling of loneliness may arise when friends and family members effortlessly conceive, leaving individuals with infertility feeling isolated and alienated.

Infertility is a complex and deeply personal experience that extends far beyond the medical diagnosis. It encompasses hidden tears shed in solitude, heartache that accompanies each setback, and the relentless barrage of unsolicited advice from well-meaning individuals. The stress, expense, and overwhelming sense of loneliness further compound the challenges faced by those on this journey. As a society, it is crucial to foster empathy, understanding, and support for those grappling with infertility, recognizing the pain and resilience it demands. There is nothing more valuable in this time than surrounding ourselves with a community of individuals that help us feel supported and heard. Whether this is a close friend, a stranger, family, maybe even a therapist. I believe we can all benefit from sharing our story in some way. Not only for ourselves but by raising awareness and promoting compassionate conversations, we can contribute to a more inclusive and supportive environment for individuals and couples navigating the maze of infertility. You never know who will hear your story and who it may help and inspire.

Thanks for reading and being a part of my journey.

If you'd like to reach out and share your journey with me either in a public or personal level; feel free to message me on Instagram, Facebook or email me at allaboutthataddie@yahoo.com

Angie